Who to trust?

An interesting example of trust and face.

I rented my first apartment here for a period of four months. At the end of this, I hadn't finalised who to share a flat with, so I extended my stay by a further month. I did this verbally with my landlady.

I would say I have a good relationship with my landlady. She helps me out, I am polite to her, she's cooked me dinner, I've given her a few gifts of UK shortbread and Cadbury's chocolate, and I've befriended her daughter Helen who studies a different MBA at Fudan University.

For me therefore, verbally agreeing a month's extension to my tenure here, seemed a reasonable thing to do. My landlady didn't ask for the month's rent up front - she just suggested she would deduct it from the deposit - fair enough. Furthermore, to request the formality of paperwork, could be construed as not trusting her word.

Because I was actively looking for apartments, and desperate to escape the onslaught of mosquitos that relates to my current abode, I mentioned to my landlady that I might be moving out sooner. She told me this was fine, she could be flexible about dates. She later told me that flexibility meant a system of penalties, where I wouldn't pay the full month if I left early, but she'd still pocket a little more than what I'd actually occupied pro-rata. Fair enough.

What made me a little angry however, was when I told her that I was likely to want to stay for the whole of July after all. It was then that she told me that she had already agreed to another tenant moving into the apartment on the 27th July. It seems she was banking on my finding an apartment and moving out slightly early as suggested. It seems she was hoping on the double whammy - penalising me for moving out early, and having a tenant lined up to move in directly anyhow.

I now realise that a written contract to clearly define her obligation to provide my housing for the whole of July would help me here, even including the penalities [darn it there comes and goes a mozzie] for leaving early. Without such a contract, my only recourse is to insist that she sticks to her word, and thereby draw question to her upstandingness. This is uncomfortable to do, and she's not putting me into a position where I can do this - it steps a little out of friendly and into firm challenge from either side.

She hasn't backed down yet, but suggests that we talk about it in person rather than on the phone. I think that was a face-saving diversion myself. It's a tricky situation - neither party will want to back down - it inconveniences her to honour the month because of her double booking, and otherwise it leaves me with the thought of paying rent for all 3 bedrooms of my apartment on my own, in advance of my flatmates moving in with me.

Lovely as she is, this behaviour has surprised me. As I understand it, relationship building is important here, and we've developed a fair deal of relationship - courtesy, chatting, treating to lunch that kind of thing. But there's definitely something I'm not so familiar with going on here - a public image and another behaviour.

I can give you another example. My ayi had some family business to deal with this week. My landlady arranged for her ayi to attend in place. She came on Tuesday with the ayi, which I paid for. I didn't realise my landlady was coming for the duration, but when she did, I welcomed her in, chatted to her extensively, and treated her to lunch also.

My landlady called me on Wednesday and asked if I wanted the ayi to come again on Thursday, as I usually have my ayi come twice a week. I explained that because I hadn't been in the house on Wednesday, the house was probably still very clean, and so there wasn't really much to be doing. My landlady said that she wanted the ayi to clean the curtains and inside some of the cupboards though, and that she would pay for the ayi. Fair enough I thought, why not.

She came by, and I didn't make any special requests on the ayi. Indeed, she was doing some spring cleaning, at the behest of my landlady. When it came to paying however, my landlady made a point to say "I'll pay". I have noticed this type of communication before. It's actually an invitation to be courteous and offer to refuse to let her pay. I rose to the occasion, and suggested that because it was my home it was improper to allow her to pay. She countered, strongly insisting that it was at her request and that she should pay. I countered again, saying nononono, that wouldn't be right. To which she rather directly replied, ok, you pay.

This was a little too direct for my liking. Orchestrated if you ask me. I don't want to slur the lady, but it is my feeling that whilst she shows great caring and courtesy to me, she also takes minor financial advantage of me when she can.

Is it because I'm so obviously a wealthy foreigner, and she's such a poverty stricken local? Well, not really if you look at her home, whilst she might say so, she's not really doing badly. Is it because she's trying to maximise the profit of her rental, well maybe. But there are some lines involved with such matters I would say, and I think she does step quite definitely over some lines from time to time.

A disconcerting business, but an interesting experience nonetheless. It's not to say that such behaviours couldn't happen in the West. But it's fair to say that my being out here is exposing me to different situations and uncertainties that I simply wouldn't have been exposed to back in London. The food for thought is good growth for me. Wizening up to the world I think - we Brits have always knowingly been overly naieve and trusting.