Shanghai girls are Zuo?!

Ahh you had to find out sooner or later, yes i've started seeing a girl.  And yes, if it carries on for much longer, it'll count for being a girlfriend.  for now though, it's just lots of happy dating.  A young Shanghai lady, very nice at that.  Works nearby, which is convenient. 

 

Now before you get all worried, I'm not going to write about our love life, and make you all sick and bored.  I'm really only going to write about cultural things.  And only things that she's not going to mind me writing about at that, because she probably reads this blog on a regular basis! :)

 

She was a little upset recently, and was somewhat embarrassed to admit the reason.  Usually when we meet for dinner, it's quite late and so I escort her home.  It is quite a long way, but at night I would agree it is safer that way.  On Sunday though, for once we parted early in the evening, and so I didn't escort her home, rather just put her into a taxi.  I couldn't imagine that this would be a problem, but apparently it was.  She tells me that 'traditionally', she's grown to expect partners to send her home each time.

 

I'd heard of this - that Shanghai boys are expected to pay and escort on a 100% basis.  It was interesting to come up against it though.  She was a little unhappy, but admitted that there wasn't much of a logical foundation to it, hence the embarrassment in telling me.  She was merely nervous that I was upset with her in some way, and therefore decided not to escort her that evening. 

 

Speaking to her about it, we agreed that I was only really going to send her home when I thought safety required it.  Which is certainly the case if we have dinner during weeknights - once after dark, the housing estate she lives in is a little twisty/windy.  In this instance, it's one cultural expectation that she is having to back down on.  haha, and if Shanghai guys really are expected to do the cooking and cleaning also... then we have some more discussions yet to be had!

 

I casually mentioned the cultural expectation clash to colleague of mine.  He's a Beijinger, with a long term Shanghai girlfriend.  I asked him if they had moved in together, but he said that generally that wasn't allowed by parents.  He had a great phrase for this: '不能持证上岗'.  Literally translated - you can't take on the job without the right paperwork!  He mentioned another one - 持枪证 - which refers to using firearms without the proper license...

 

Getting back to the topic at hand, he offered me some pearls of wisdom.  (Note, if you're from Shanghai and you think I have this all wrong, then please do correct me otherwise!  Until you explain to me, I know no better!)  He tells me that Shanghai girls are famous for showing their femininity.  He says that elsewhere in China girls are more private about their inner feelings, but in Shanghai they are slightly less so.  One of the ways it manifests he says is in their being what used to be called 撒娇 (sa1 jiao1, act as a pampered child), but is now referred to as 嘬 (zuo1, lap up / suck up).  He says by the way, this shouldn't be an insult of them, just a characteristic.

 

He tells me that Shanghai girls will often complain about things for no real logical reason, but the purpose is really to encourage you as a partner to reaffirm your care and attention for them.  Apparently the phrase for this unfounded plea for attention is 无厘头 (wu2 li2 tou2, no good fortune head).  Don't really understand why it's called this.  I think I'd understand better if the phrase was 无理投 (no logic complaint)

 

I suppose girls all over the world do this.  And it's endearing in a way, assuming it's not every hour of every day. 

My colleague found this website for me - but I haven't had time to see what it talks about.  Think it's examples of 无厘头. http://el.swpi.edu.cn/enonline/info.aspx?Id=4949

Speaking more generally on the topic of my increased weekly taxi spend to my Uncle Peter, he suggested it would be good motivation for my buying a car.  I joked that it would be even better motivation to get married, and not make the taxi journey at all!  Ahhhh there's sense in these old fashioned traditions....